by Tracey Deaux
Child Life Specialist

Adding another baby to the family can be a very exciting time.  It can also be a stressful time for an older sibling who is adjusting.  Having a niece and nephew of my own who have both recently become older siblings, I know it can be a bit of a strain at times.  A sibling’s reaction to a new baby brother or sister will depend, in part, on his or her age at the time of the baby’s arrival.

Younger toddlers are typically able to transition easily.  However, it may be confusing for them to understand why mom is staying in the hospital rather than staying at home and why she may not be willing to play as much as she usually is.  This is a great opportunity for family and friends to provide support.  For this age, it is also important to model appropriate behaviors for the toddler when interacting with the new baby.  My two-year old nephew has benefited from receiving positive reinforcement on appropriate ways to handle his new baby brother.  After observing his mom and dad and working with them, he now understands that he needs to be gentle when giving baby brother hugs and kisses. 

Older toddlers and preschoolers are able to do a little more with their new baby than younger toddlers.  They can be actively involved in the new baby’s birth, by picking out clothes for the baby and helping set up the baby’s new room.  Getting the preschool-age siblings involved in the care of their younger brother or sister will help them have some control of the situation.  Some problems that may arise with an older sibling’s behavior include feelings of jealousy, regression in behavior (acting like a baby again), or negative talk towards the new baby.

• Here are some great tips for parents of older siblings:
• Set up a daily schedule with the older sibling to help him or her play an active role in the new baby’s care and feel apart of the family unit
• Create excitement about the new role of big brother or sister
• Give positive reinforcement
• Keep changes in routine and environment to a minimum
• Talk with your spouse about possible reactions, both negative and positive, the sibling may have towards the new baby and come up with a plan
• Schedule special time with just you and the older sibling on a consistent basis