Positive Reinforcement

last updated:
Fri, 4/09/2010 11:40 AM

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

Think back to some of the proudest moments in your life. Did they involve someone telling you that you did a good job? Perhaps they were proud of you? Chances are many of those moments involve situations like those.

The truth is that everyone likes to be told that they’re doing a good job. To put it in more technical terms, everyone likes positive reinforcement. When we are rewarded for doing the right thing, trying harder, or just generally doing what we’re suppose to it makes us want to do it more often. This is true for work, home, friends, and… children.

That’s right, your child loves when you provide them with positive reinforcement. It makes them realize that they are doing the right thing, and helps to shape expected behaviors. Here are three simple pointers on giving solid positive reinforcement:

Be specific: If your child has done a specific action focus on that. For instance, “Great job sitting in your seat during dinner.” This helps your child to know what actions we’re the ones being praised.
Give more: A professor of mine once said, “if you think you are giving enough positive reinforcement, give 10 percent more.” Guess what, it’s true.
It’s about good, not bad: If you have two children, praise the one doing the right thing, and make sure not to point out that the other one is doing something wrong. They’ll pick it up on their own.

You will be amazed how well positive reinforcement works with children (and adults). It is as simple as focusing on the positive things your child is doing, instead of talking/screaming about the negative things. If you take this to heart and practice it, you will find you are far more relaxed and your children will have wonderful deposits in the “self-esteem bank”.

Parenting is a job; you are the supervisor and your child is the employee. So, as Peter Gibbons, the main character from Mike Judge’s movie Office Space, said about making a mistake, “I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.”

How do you want to motivate your employees… err, children?

Tags: parenting_tip

PERMALINK | 2 COMMENTS

Comments:

Good Morning, I would like to know your opinion on a positive/negative reinforcement tool that my child's teacher is using for her 1st grade class. She uses a red flag (negative) and a green flag (positive) when correcting/commending the kids. Once a red flag for an infraction is obtained it takes 3-green flags to remove the red flag. The prize at the end of the week is for "free time" for which the child can choose their own reasonable activity. If the child recieves 2 red flags, than the child recieves a demerit in conduct. If the child receives 3 red flags then it is a visit to the principles office. I am not in any way trying to lynch the teacher, i just don't feel that the positive reinforcement is adequate. I have a older daughter that has had this teacher, and it was a battle with her ADHD. It was to the point where the teacher would just start her out with 3 red flags in the morning, in the hopes of encouraging good behavior to remove the red flags. She always felt like as soon as she went into the classroom, she was already bad. My son is now in her class and is just getting to understand the system of how this flag procedure works. He came home yesterday, and had received a red flag for not tucking in his shirt after using the restroom. Please help me understand this tool. I feel like I need to encourage following the rules, but this just seems to have more of a negative impact than positive.

Posted by RG-SLC on September 01, 2010 at 09:05 AM CDT #

Great question, especially since I know that there are lots of classrooms that use this system, in some variation. In my own personal experience with this system, it can be used effectively and put a great deal of focus on positive behaviors. For many children, it helps them to visualize their behaviors and the flags can serve as a tangible reminder. It also helps them to understand the consequences of their actions, while allowing them to get a reward. There are two important elements to consider when the focusing on positive behaviors when using this method. The first is that you have to have the right motivator for a particular child. If the particular reward is ideal, the child will be motivated. You cannot assume that the negatives will be enough to stop the behavior. Remember the old saying, “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” The second element to consider is catching children behaving well, and to give out more praise for positive behaviors than negative. If the focus is on only negative behaviors, than the child is learning how not to behave, but is not being shown how to behave. Personally, I like to use a 2:1 ratio of praise to correction. Now, I’ll be the first to say that this requires a lot of commitment because you’d be surprised how much easier it is to point out the negative than the positive. However, the more you do it, the better you get. The most important advice I could give to you is to talk with your son’s teacher. Often times, teachers are willing to adapt plans and work to make a child successful. It just takes a conversation. This is a great opportunity for you and the teacher to create a plan that is implemented at both home and school. The consistency is wonderful for the child.

Posted by Thomas on September 01, 2010 at 04:21 PM CDT #

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