by Stephanie Martin
Child Life Intern

Camp Bravehearts has been an amazing experience so far. Today, groups were led that continued to teach children that it is ok to feel a wide range of emotions when dealing with the loss of a loved one. Common fears most children expressed were sad, angry, and confused. Other emotions that were expressed were happy, joyful, and jealous.

These emotions are not commonly correlated with death however are feelings expressed by the children when they recall happy memories or perhaps have seen there loved one suffer for an extended period of time. Jealousy was expressed by children who stated that it made them jealous that someone else had a certain loved one in their lives while they did not.

Many activities were led today to help the children continue to cope with their losses. I found it interesting how differently children expressed their emotions, some expressed themselves verbally, some through art, others through writing, and some through outward actions.

Watching the different age groups today showed that children, even as young as five, can understand why their loved one died, what happened, and even ask questions about the events. Some children stated that they knew what happened to their loved ones, while others stated they did not want to know. I liked observing how each child was uniquely different in how they coped with the death of their loved one.

One activity done today that I observed with the five- eight year old group was that the leader had them write down on a rock all the negative feelings they had, or any feeling they had that they wanted to leave at camp and not take home with them. Once all the children had their rocks we went to the lake where the children threw their rocks into the water as they screamed out what they wrote down. All the campers today also got to make memory boxes. They painted the boxes and decorated the boxes however they wanted to, and then inside they put things that would help them remember their loved ones who had passed on.

It was very moving to see how even the simplest of activities could be an outlet for children to be able to express themselves and how they are feeling.

About the author:  Stephanie Martin is from Little Rock, Arkansas and a graduate from the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville. She has her bachelor’s degree in Child Development with an emphasis in Health Sciences.

by Anne Hamilton
Child Life Intern

My name is Anne Hamilton, and I’m one of two Child Life interns at Le Bonheur Children’s this summer. Yesterday I had the opportunity to volunteer on the first day for Camp Bravehearts. It is a three day grief camp for children in the Memphis area who have lost a family member or loved one.

This was my first experience working at a bereavement camp, so I was excited to meet these children and their families. After an hour spent together on the first day, the kids began to understand that they indeed have different stories, but they also have something in common. Each person at this camp lost someone very special to them. They realized for the next three days, they didn’t have to act like everything was okay, but they could finally be honest with other children like themselves and together they could begin to let go.

The day was busy. Of course we climbed the rock wall, ran under the parachute, soaked ourselves in the water games, and took part in all kinds of camp fun, but our main focus was to work through the reason we were there - grief. I spent most of my day with the six, seven, and eight year olds, and we used our time to talk about emotions. We learned that it’s okay to be sad, mad, angry, jealous, and confused all at the same time. We learned that we don’t always have to have it all together, and some days will be harder than others. We learned that it’s okay to cry and let those feelings out. We came up with ideas to express our emotions in ways that don’t hurt us or those around us. We used art and drawing as an avenue to explain those feelings to our new friends.

I know it can be hard to open up and talk about someone we love that has died, so I was honored that these kids would allow me to listen. I came to give but so much was given to me. These kids were a blessing to be around, and I personally was so encouraged. It is not easy to face grief, and it does require courage. I am so proud of these kids for their bravery, and I am grateful for the opportunity to share in their lives.
     

About the author:  Anne Hamilton is a Child Life intern at Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital. She is from Florence, Alabama and will graduate from The University of Alabama in August. She plans to pursue a career as a Child Life Specialist.

by Jenny Shelton
Child Life Manager

As Thomas, our summer interns, and myself head off to provide therapeutic interventions at Camp Bravehearts (Methodist Hospice's grief camp for children ages 6-16 and their families) this week, I though it would be a good time to tack the difficult subject of death in relation to talking with children.  I must quote my three year-old nephew (Thomas), who randomly brought up death in our last phone conversation about people we love: “Aunt Jen Jen, one day we will all die, right???   But, not right now…maybe in a little while.”

As much as we would like to ignore the subject, we know that every living thing as a lifetime.  I think that one of the hardest conversations that parents have to engage their children in is telling them that someone special has died.  As a Certified Child Life Specialist in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU), my role is to help parents find the appropriate words when talking to their child(ren) when someone has died.  The first thing that I educate parents on is how children understand death at different ages.  Children under the age of five have difficulty understanding that death is irreversible and need to hear concrete statements using the words “died” or “dead” to start to master this concept.  Children do not fully understand the concept of death until about the age of nine or ten.

I also, in my conversations, encourage parents to be honest and provided simplistic explanations about how the person died.  By having explanations children are able to better understand the situation surrounding the death versus using their imaginations to fill in the blanks.  When someone special has died this is a great time to talk with children about feelings and how to express those feelings in a positive way.  Allow your child(ren) to see you become emotional, because we learn to express our emotions through modeling those around us. 

I always encourage parents to be available for children as they grieve the death of someone special by providing support and answering questions that come up in the process.  Children are very intuitive and come up with some of the most inquisitive questions about death, so be prepared and know that you will not have all of the answers.  Finally, grief is not something that you get over it is something that you journey through…this is true even for children.

Things to Remember:

• Your child’s understanding of death
• Give honest and simplistic explanations
• Talk about feelings
• Model positive ways to express grief
• Be available for support and questions

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

There are times that death seems like one of the most taboo topics in our society. It is one of the most difficult experiences a family can go through.  To make the situation harder, the thought of talking to children about death can be hard for parents.  Death is a topic that many feel like the have no idea what to say or which words to use.  Having children ask questions about death can be even harder when, especially if you are still processing your own feelings. 

This past Wednesday (April 14, 2010), PBS aired a Sesame Street special dealing with children and grief.  It centers on the character Elmo and the death of his uncle, and is hosted by Katie Couric.  Much like every thing else done by the Children’s Television Workshop, it is extremely well done and is a wonderful resource for parents.

I’ve included a clip from an interview done earlier this week on the special:

If you would like to see the entire episode of PBS’ When Families Grieve, the Sesame Street special click here.

There are situations in the hospital when families have to talk to their child about the death of a loved one.  Here at Le Bonheur Children’s, Child Life Services has served as a resource for families in these situations.  We work together with the rest of the interdisciplinary team to help equip families with the right tools to communicate.

Additionally, there are some wonderful resources in the community that can provide support to you and your child.  If you have a child that has been struggling to cope with a recent death, I would recommend looking into Camp BraveHearts. It is a family grief camp that is hosted by Methodist Hospice and has several of us in Child Life Services working directly with the camp.

Talking with children about death and grief can be one of the hardest conversations that you can have.  Just know that there are wonderful resources in the community to help with preparing for the discussion and providing support during the grief process.  It may not be something that you’re comfortable talking about, but it will be a strengthen experience for both you and your child.