by Lauren McCann
Child Life Manager

It happened.  I was praying it would never happen, but it did.  My head told me it couldn’t be avoided, but my heart prayed I could get by without it happening for just a little while longer.  “Why me,” I asked myself.  But I know I’m not special…it happens to everyone.  My toddler is starting to assert her independence, which means this has been a ticking time bomb….  So what happened? 

A full-out, monster size, obnoxious temper tantrum.  In public.  And at Target nonetheless!! 

Let me first say that I support Walmart and Target equally, so I am not a biased shopper, but that day, at the moment of meltdown, I swear the first words out of my mouth were “Please don’t do this here!!  Not here!  Not at Target!!”  Breakdowns are common place at Walmart…it’s part of the shopping experience.  Not at Target though.  I hardly ever hear screaming and carrying on in those pretty red aisles.  Why did it have to be at Target?!? 

Needless to say, I was mortified.  Initially I was just surprised she was melting down for what seemed like no reason.  She had just had a nap and a snack, so it was perfect shopping time.  Why, oh why, was she doing this to me??  Oh, I know why, it was to get what she wanted.  Although, the books say to hold strong, ignore the tantrum, and not give in, what do you think I did??  I immediately gave in to what she wanted to quiet her down and then started bribing her to keep her quiet!  Mom of the Year, right?!? 

I can ignore a tantrum all day long at the house, but not at Target.  At Target, the name of the game is squash the noise as fast as possible so you do not offset the peace of those beautiful color-coded aisles!  I know, I know….I should be strong and start teaching my child that those behaviors are not acceptable, but in those moments, I am not above a bribe.  When the battle is on and I am becoming mortified, it just needs to end….and if a Buzz Lightyear toy will do it, than so be it!

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

Author's Note: Technophilia is the love (or obsession) of technology.

Yesterday marked the first post of the new Technophilia column, and in it, I included five of my top 10  iPhone applications that help parents.  Today, you get the rest of the list!

• Fluid: This is a great application that turns your iPhone into a reflecting pool that reacts when you touch it.  This is a great distraction for young children.  They love playing with the water and watching it react to various styles of being touched.  Additionally, you can change the background photo, which my kids have enjoyed.  If you’re looking for a nice quite application to occupy your child for a few minutes, this is a great one.
• MarksMenus: This Memphis grown iPhone application is a must have for any about town parent.  Using the iPhone’s built in GPS, Mark’s Menus tells you what restaurants are around you, but also gives you access to their menu.  Is there a specific dish or type of food you’re looking for, just search for it?  This is great if you’re out running errands or are just looking to eat somewhere new.  Ohh, did I mention it is great for a parent’s date night?
• Arts Memphis: It’s important that children be exposed to the arts early and often.  So, what better application than Arts Memphis to help you keep our finger on the pulse of the Memphis art scene.  This Memphis-centric application covers theatre, music, visual arts, dance, and more.  To help you wallet out, the Arts Memphis application will tell you which events are free, which is always a plus. It is a quick way to fill a boring afternoon into one that’s unforgettable.
• WebMD: Every parent I know, myself included, struggles when their child is sick. There always seems to be a feeling of wanting to know more.  The WebMD iPhone app can help parents feel more at ease.  This is a great application for learning more about medical conditions or helping with some armchair diagnosing.  The WebMD application is a great resource, but please remember that it is no substitute for your or your child’s relationship with their doctor.
• Skee-Ball:  Up to now, I have talked about several applications being a great distraction for children, and this one could be included in that category.  However, in the case of Skee-Ball, I recommend it as a great distraction for parents.  For starters, it’s skee ball, and who doesn’t love that?  Everyone needs a mini-mental vacation from time to time, and this game helps deliver just that.  This intuitive application doesn’t require a lot of thinking, but gives you all of the joy of playing.  So, tune in and tune out, even if for only five minutes.

So, between yesterday and today, those are my top 10 iPhone applications for parents.  My hope is that you find the list useful, and don’t be afraid to try out new and different applications.  You never know when you might find the perfect one for you. 

I would love to hear your favorite applications that help you as a parent.  And if there is some technological mystery that, as a parent, puzzles you, leave us a comment.  We’ll look into it, and do a future column on it.

Author's note:  MarksMenus is a national platofrm that provides more than 35,000 menus for restaurants in over 2000 cities.  Just look at the great technological services that are being made right in our own backyard!

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

Author's Note: Technophilia is the love (or obsession) of technology.

Being a parent in the digital age is a tough gig.  You have to navigate constantly changing technology and weigh the pros and cons it has for your child.  That’s why I’m taking a shot at a technology column to help families try to figure some of this stuff out.  And, in full disclosure, I am a total technology dork, and I just love the stuff.

Now, considering all of the technology that is out for children and families, I have to start somewhere.  I thought I would start with a platform that is close to my heart, the iPhone.  (Don’t believe me? Just ask my wife!)  Parenting is a job that you are constantly “on”, and any help we can get to make things a little easier is a gift.  So, to kick off the first Technophilia, I thought I would share my top 10 iPhone applications for parents.

These are listed in no particular order:

• Calendar: Yes, I realize that this is an application that is included with the phone, but from what I’ve seen, most folks don’t realize the full potential of it.  The application can be fully integrated with various web-based calendars.  In my family, we created a Family Calendar using Google Calendars, and now can quickly see what are the major family functions.  I can add something from my iPhone and it shows up on all of the other calendars.  I promise, this will save lots of confusion and is well worth the set up time.
• Memphis Zoo: One of my more favorite Memphis-centric applications, this application gives you tons of up-to-date information on the Memphis Zoo.  It includes a map, information on the animals, and the daily schedule of activities.  It even includes a feature that allows you to see where friends of yours, using the application at the zoo, are.  What can I say, other than, it’s great!
• White Noise: Traveling with children overnight is a challenge, and it is especial difficult if they are a light sleeper.  The application allows you to introduce a several different forms of white noise in the background.  On top of several sounds choices (including my favorite Extreme Rain Pouring), White Noise includes a shut off times and the ability to adjust the pitch of the sound.  This was a lifesaver on a recent family trip, and my kids thought it was the greatest thing ever to pick the sound.
• Toddler Teasers: In reality, Toddler Teasers is a series of educational games, but I had to mention them.  These are a perfect activity to engage your toddler in fun learner that can also serve as a distraction.  I have found this series to be particularly effective during times we’ve had to wait (i.e. restaurants, doctors offices).
• Grocery Gadget: It seems like in my family, we are constantly running to the grocery store to pick up something.  That’s why I’ve become a big fan of Grocery Gadget.  It is an application that helps to keep track of your grocery list(s).  If you’re like me, you lose lists or think that you can remember everything (only to forget something).  This application has saved me more than one return to the grocery store.

In tomorrow’s post, I’ll cover the next 5 iPhone applications.  Until then, I’d love to hear some of your suggestions.

Lauren McCann
Child Life Manager

In my first post, I let you in on the fact that I am a parent just like many of you out there.  Also, like many of you, I am just trying to make the best decisions I can for my family.  I believe that in many instances we all go against the grain in our parenting decisions, but that it is part of what parenting is all about.  I promised an example of a typical daily decision we make, so let’s talk about the television….

We have all heard the stat about the appropriate amount of TV a child should be watching.  Would we love to be following that guideline in our house….yes!  Are we following that guideline….nope!  My husband and I are pretty sure we are letting our 1 ½ year old watch more television than we should.  Why do I think it is too much?  I kind of got the feeling when most of her talking begins and ends with her pointing at the TV and saying “Buzz” (as in Lightyear, Space Ranger).  Toy Story has become a favorite in our house…and we are using it to our advantage. 

Couple of reasons why Buzz has become family…just to name a few:

1. Our own survival - We can get (fill in the blank) done so much faster when she is in her Toy Story world.
2. I’m Selfish – My daughter NEVER lets me spend time just holding her.  I love having those moments of one-to-one time with her in my arms, but she won’t have it….unless Toy Story is on!  When Buzz is on, she doesn’t realize I am holding her in my arms and listening to her breathe in and out, in and out….melt my heart!

I do not write all of this to start a debate over television watching and how much is too much.  I know my reasoning for letting her watch TV and that’s it….it’s my reasoning.  Maybe you don’t let your child watch TV at all.  Maybe the television in on at your house from dawn until dusk.  Whatever the case, I support your choice.  I stand firm on the fact that as long as there is no question of abuse or neglect, than we should be supportive of each other as parents/caregivers and have faith that we are doing all we can on a daily basis to raise good kids….and not go crazy in the meantime!  

Next time I will fill you in our bedtime music choices…

Editor's Note:  Over the next several weeks More Than Medicine will be introducing some new regular writers.  Lauren McCann, who serves as the Outpatient Child Life Manager, is the first.  I Kid You Not is a new column that she will be writing.

by Lauren McCann
Child Life Manager

As the manager of the Child Life Department at Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital, I have spent my career being confident in my educational background.  I have spent years of my life in undergraduate and graduate classes learning and applying information about children and families.  I know what the books say about child development.  I know how to explain to parents and caregivers useful information that can help them in their family’s daily life…. 

All that being said, you want to hear something ironic??  I often have no idea what I am doing with my own child!  I have been a mother for 18 short months and I am still figuring this motherhood thing out! 

What is it like to have a child after spending so much time studying child development and family dynamics??  You may think it is a cake walk because I should know the “right” things to do.  Truth be told, I have made plenty of choices for my daughter that would be considered debatable in the world of child development.  Does that mean I am now a bad parent?  No!  I, along with every other parent out there, am just making choices that are best for my family in that moment and there is nothing wrong with that! 

As I begin to post on this blog from time to time, I hope to share my viewpoint of parenthood, both as a person educated in the topic of children and families and as someone who is flying by the seat of her pants!  I hope to reinforce the fact that as parents, we are all in the same boat.  We love our children, but wonder if we are ever doing enough for them.  We make choices for our families every day, but we often second guess our decisions.  As parents, we are just doing the best we can! 

In my next installment, I will give you a few examples of our household handles a typical parenting decision….television!

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

If you haven’t been a regular reader of this blog, you may not know that I am the father of five and a half year-old twins (and the ½ is very important; just ask them).  As a matter of fact, I have a boy and a girl.  So, I’ve had lots of experiences with both genders.  (For instance, just because you have a daughter, doesn’t mean that you won’t be peed on.)

Now, when you take having a boy and a girl, my role at Le Bonheur Children’s, and I’m just a likeable guy, I end up getting asked to give “pep talks” to friends of mine who are new dads.  I don’t mind helping out because being a new dad can be overwhelming.  Personally, I can still remember the gibbillies I experienced before my children were born.

Now, my advice to dads is pretty straight forward:  if you rearrange the letters in PARENT (and add an R), it spells PARTNER.  That’s what new fathers need to remember that they are partners, which means they need to go ahead and jump in.  I promise that mom will be happier, your child will be happier, and you’ll be happier.

The next piece of advice, for new dads, is that your new baby is not an etched glass sculpture.  You won’t break your baby.  Now, that doesn’t mean throw them around like a ragdoll, but don’t feel like you’re going to hurt your baby by changing diapers, giving baths, or feeding them.  Remember, humans have been raising children for thousands and thousands of years.

So, new dads, rejoice in knowing that you can be the dad of the year by simply helping and playing.  It’s a great way for dads to start their relationship with their child.  And years from now, your baby will think back fondly of your time.

Oh yea, and new moms, remember to let the new dad help.  He’ll need the practice, especially for the times that you’re exhausted…

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

So, for the past several Mondays, I have been talking about video games and children.  Up to this point, research, ESRB ratings, and video games in general have all been covered.  There are a lot of factors to consider with video games and children.  Still, the fact remain that video games have become, and will continue to be, a part of the childhood experience.

After everything discussed in the previous Video Games & Children posts, I would like to leave parents with some practical advice:

1. Know Your Child: When figuring out the right age for a child to begin playing video games, think about your child.  If you’re child has shown interest in video games, it might be time to look into it.  You know if they’re ready.
2. Age Appropriateness: The age and stage of your child will go along way to help you decide what kind of video game system to buy.  Just because your child is interested doesn’t mean you need to go out and buy the top of the line system, with 35 buttons.  There are some great options for young children.  Don’t be afraid to start there.
3. Know the Games: The rating systems are great, but know about the actual game is even better.  Many of the current video game titles aren’t cheap.  So, take time to read the reviews of the game.  It will take you just a few minutes, and you’ll know lots about the game.  Some sites I would recommend are Game Informer, G4, IGN, What They Play, and 1Up.
4. Set Limits: Even with the right system and right video games, you still need to set the limits for your child.  Develop rules for when they can play, and what they have to do before the can play.  Time limits are another useful rule.  This could serve as a motivator to do other responsibilities, like homework.
5. Play Along: One of the most important things that you can do is play the video games with your child.  If you know the games that they’re playing, you’ll have a better idea of the content.  It is also a great opportunity to spend time with them doing an activity they enjoy.
   

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Manager

When it comes to video games, families can quickly feel like a fish out of water.  If they’ve played video games previously, there is a good chance that the technology is extremely different.  They may even feel they as though they have to learn a totally different language.

When choosing a video game for a child, it can be an overwhelming decision.  A parent may be faced to selected a game that they know little, if any thing, about.  So, then comes the tough choice of selecting the must have game your child wants that could be full of inappropriate content or saying no to a reasonable game that leads to a moody child. What’s a parent to do?

Have no fear, there is help.

The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) has been around for about 16 years and they maybe the best resource available.  The ESRB is the group that provides a rating for video games.  Awareness of the rating system can help parents to make a more informed decision about which games to rent or buy.

ESRB’s rating system breaks into the following levels:

• Early Childhood (EC): Ages 3+
• Everyone (E): Ages 6+
• Everyone 10+ (E10+): Ages 10+
• Teen (T): Ages 13+
• Mature (M): Ages 17+
• Adults Only (AO): Ages 18+
• Rating Pending (RP)

The ESRB has a wonderful explanation of each of the rating levels, as well as the symbols associated with them.  I highly recommend reading their guide, and becoming familiar with the system.  It mentions the levels of violence, suggestive themes, and others in it.

Additionally, the symbols for the ERSB ratings are listed both on the front and back packaging of the video game.  Specifically, you will see the main symbol on the front, and the backside will have the symbol with an explanation.

Knowing this rating system can help you to buy the most appropriate games for your child, and do so without having to “test” every game that comes home.  If you think of them as the same way as movie ratings, it gives you to the tools to make the most informed decisions about the media your child sees.

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

Quick question: What was the last video game you played?  My guess is that the response will vary greatly by the person answering the question.  The fact is that video games and children seem to be a combination that has been linked for the past several decades.

There have been many strides and changes to the systems.  From the birth of the Galaxy Game, in 1971, to the latest video gaming systems on the market, there have been many changes in the technology.  Video games have moved from giant coin-operated arcade games to sleek specialized computer systems that are played at home.  One fact remained constant during this change: children and teens flocked to them.

Amazingly, the current generation of workers joining the workforce has been playing video games their entire life.  They don’t put age caps on playing, and many list “gaming” as one of their favorite activities.  Needless to say, it appears as though the video gaming culture is now an integrated part of our society.

Parents are now left with many questions about what to do when their child asks about playing video games.  It is with that in mind that I’ll start posting about various topics and questions about video games and children.  You can expect to see the posts on Mondays over the next few weeks.

In my effort for full disclosure, I am a casual gamer that has grown-up playing video games.  Despite referring to myself as a causal gamer, I do own two major gaming systems.  Additionally, I have a five-year old son that is deeply interested in video games.  So, I am approaching this from the perspective of a parent and gamer.

The goal is to provide some information and answers about video games and children.  If you have specific questions you would like addressed, please feel free to leave a comment.  I’ll do my best to answer them all.

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

We’ve all been in situations when the stress involved almost (or in some cases, did) make us flip out.  Who hasn’t had a moment where the pressure, anxiety, and/or fear built up to the point when you could pull your hair out and scream at the moon?  As an adult, you probably have learned to control your reactions to stress.  However, I would be willing to wager that you know someone that hasn’t, and there are numerous stories of them acting “crazy” in stressful situations.

In the case of children, most have not mastered controlling the behaviors that arise out of stressful moments. In the hospital, we see it more than you might imagine.  When you take the level of stress that children can experience from the unknown and general fears it’s not surprise. 

Young children may not have the “right” words to describe feeling stress.  They might call it scared, angry, or any other number of feelings.  However, in my experience, they may not try to explain their feelings, but instead make a change in their behavior. One of the easiest ways to tell is from “acting out” behavior in the child.

In a stressful situation a child might respond by refusing to take medicines, participate in treatments, follow rules, and even “purposely” break rules.  At home, this may include refusing simple requests (i.e. brush your teeth, put that toy away).  As you can imagine, this is frustrating to families, who can be left scratching their heads.  Since it’s not the typical behavior, some families will respond by being more firm with the child.  Typically, you can see the child respond by further strengthening their resolve for the behavior.

You can see the cycle of behaviors beginning as each side escalates into a lose-lose situation.  As child life specialist, the most important question we explore is what is causing these behaviors because chances are it may not be on the surface.  Families can use the same question at home to understand the behaviors.  When we understand what the cause is it becomes easier to deal with the root issue.

Now, why would a typically sweet, compliant child do this?  Simply put, it is something that they can control especially when they are in a situation that gives them no control.  The child is trying to regain control over their life.  Remember the classic child development mantra, even negative interaction is better than no interaction.  Or to put it another way, even control with negative consequences is better than no control.

In tomorrow’s post, I’ll talk about some strategies that Child Life Services uses to break the cycle of stress behaviors that you can use at home.  Also, if you have some examples of this behavior with your own children leave a comment below.  We’d love to hear from you.

Editor's Note: Recently, the media has put a great deal of attention on the food that children eat.  From news reports to television shows, you can't help put see it everywhere.  However, if you're the parent of a "picky" eater, you may feel overwhelmed because your child wants nothing to do with these foods.  It is for all of those parents, that we've invited Carolyn Vaughn, RD, LDN, a clinical nutritionist at Le Bonheur Children's, to share some advice for parents with picky eaters.  If you missed part one, click here to read it.

by Carolyn Vaughn, RD, LDN
Clinical Nutritionist

Kids want to please their parents and they like attention; use these natural tendencies to shape their behavior.  For instance, when your child doesn’t like something, just ignore it; making a big deal out of it teaches them that not liking food gets them attention.  It begins to define them the more you draw attention to it. 

Additionally, speak in terms of expectancy.  Try saying, “You just don’t like it yet.  You just aren’t old enough.”  Kids want to feel big and using this wording suggests to them that someday they will.  Now they have a motivation for liking it because you have attached the idea of being older with liking the new food. 

When kids try new foods, give them permission to just lick, put it in the mouth and politely spit it back out in a napkin, or putting in mouth and swallowing.  These are all tastes that are not necessarily associated with eating.  They will be much more likely to try a new food if they know they don’t have to eat it. 

When they do try a new food, praise them.  When my daughter was a toddler and tried a new food, I would do the “you tried a new food” dance.  She would laugh so much and would try a new food just to watch me make a fool out of myself.  Now I realize this isn’t for everyone, but at 8 years old, she is in the habit of trying new foods even without the dance. 

Do not cook a meal based on what you know your child will eat.  Give what you want them to have.  If they don’t eat it, that’s okay.  Children do not starve themselves.  Just don’t let them munch on a snack within another 3 hours.  Hunger is a big motivator to try new food.  Make sure that next snack is a healthy alternative to the meal food. 

The goal is to develop a child who wants to try and like a variety of foods.  If you can achieve that, the variety will take care of itself.

About the author:  Carolyn Vaughn has worked at Le Bonheur Children's Medical Center as a clinical nutritionist for 15 years and is passionate about preventative nutritional care in children.  Prior to working at Le Bonheur Children's, she worked at Baptist Memorial Hospital's HeathPlex Nutrition Center providing nutritional counseling for adults and children and conducting weight management classes.  She is a mother of two children ages 3 and 8 who love to eat and eat well.  

Editor's Note: Recently, the media has put a great deal of attention on the food that children eat.  From news reports to television shows, you can't help put see it everywhere.  However, if you're the parent of a "picky" eater, you may feel overwhelmed because your child wants nothing to do with these foods.  It is for all of those parents, that we've invited Carolyn Vaughn, RD, LDN, a clinical nutritionist at Le Bonheur Children's, to share some advice for parents with picky eaters.

by Carolyn Vaughn, RD, LDN
Clinical Nutritionist

Pickiness begins at an early age and many times is a problem that can be avoided.  It is true that there are a few kids who are naturally extra-sensitive to textures and tastes, but the picky behaviors will not necessarily last forever.  You, as a parent, can play a large role in your child’s willingness to try and like new food. 

To avoid the picky behaviors, make sure you get off to the right start.  As they get older it is important to give your child the “want to’s.”  What I mean by that is that people who do not like a variety of foods are generally those who don’t want to like a variety.  

So, how do you give your child the “want to’s”?  This starts even in infancy.  Present food to babies and young children in a non-threatening way.  Let them direct how much or even if they eat.  Put a little taste on the lips of babies and let him bring it in his mouth.  If he decides he doesn’t want more, just try again later. 

You might be pleasantly surprised to find that babies learn to like new foods after just a few tries.  Sometimes it is more about texture than taste.   Just be patient, presenting the food in a variety of ways, realizing it could take up to 10-12 exposures to a food before a child might learn to like it. 

In tomorrow’s post, we’ll look at a look at strategies to help get your child to try new foods.

About the author:  Carolyn Vaughn has worked at Le Bonheur Children's Medical Center as a clinical nutritionist for 15 years and is passionate about preventative nutritional care in children.  Prior to working at Le Bonheur Children's, she worked at Baptist Memorial Hospital's HeathPlex Nutrition Center providing nutritional counseling for adults and children and conducting weight management classes.  She is a mother of two children ages 3 and 8 who love to eat and eat well.  

The other day, I was getting my children ready for bed, and we were going through our typical routines.  Going to the bathroom, brushing our teeth, asking for one more hug, you know the usual stuff.  As I was talking with my children, I noticed something; they were not looking at me.  Instead, they were looking at themselves in the bathroom mirror. 

To take it one step further, they were “acting” to it.  They were entranced by their reflects, make facings and watching themselves as they spoke.  Then they broke that ever-important parent rule: they quit listening to me.  Instead, they were wrapped up in a world of themselves, just two five-year olds playing to the mirror.

This is not an isolated incident to my house, but instead is played out repeatedly. I’ve even had some people ask me if their child is being narcissistic.  If we remember our mythology, Narcissus feel in love with his own reflection (after shunning the love of Echo), and spent the rest of his life looking at his own reflection.  Needless to say, people have been worried about this for a long time.

Here’s the good news: a child entranced by their reflection is completely normal.  As a matter of fact, children can learn a great deal from mirrors, and you can use them to see developmental growth. The truth is children learn a concept of self through mirrors.  The child realizes what people see when they talk, make faces, and other activities.  You especially see this between 12 to 24 months, as children develop their sense of self.

For instance, place a small dot of lipstick on the nose of an infant and put them in front a mirror.  You can see the developmental growth as they realize that the mirror is not another baby, but instead them, which you can tell as they touch the spot on their own nose.  As a parent, this is an exciting developmental step to see first hand.

So, don’t worry if your child loves watching themselves in the mirror, it’s completely normal.  That's why so many children's toys have mirrors on them, they’re exploring the world and themselves.  Besides, you can always do what I do, make faces right along with you child.