by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

There’s nothing like severe weather to rattle everything, figuratively and literally. Like many other people around the area, I spent long parts of last night paying attention to the weather. As my own children asked a great deal of questions about the potential of the storm, I was reminded about how scary severe weather can be to children. 

If you child gets nervous about possible bad weather, here are some types to help:

• Learn about weather: Sure, we all remember being in school learning about sun and rain, but how much would you say you know now? Take some time for you and your child to learn about weather. Why does it rain? What are tornadoes? What is lightning? There is any number of ways to learn about it. The more your child understands about weather (and why it happens) the more secure they will feel. In the hospital, this is similar to how/why we prepare children for upcoming procedures. The more that is understood, the easier the overall experience.
• Have a plan and practice it: There are lots of time public service announcements and reminders to have a disaster plan and kit ready. So, if you don’t have one already, develop one with your child. This may involve them helping to put together a disaster kit and talking about where to go if there was a fire. Once you have a plan developed, practice it as a family. Children in school are already familiar with fire drills, so this should be similar. Giving your child a job to do helps to provide them with the control, which can help to ease fears.
• Make a game of it: So, bad weather has rolled around and you and your family are in their safe area. Well, what do now? Why not play a game. If there’s a particular game your family enjoys playing, than use that. If not, try making up a game. Also, be sure to include activities and things to do when pulling your supplies together. It may sound like extra work, but having everyone focused on an activity during a potentially stressful time.

There are a number of other things that you can do, especially if they will help your child. The bottom line is that anything you can do in advance will help your child feel calmer when severe weather is a possibility. Besides, you’ll be surprised how much better your feel about the situation.

Editor's Note: I Kid You Not is a regular column on More Than Medicine, where Lauren shares her experiences of wearing both the hat of a child life specialist and a mother.

In Child Life world, we know one of the hardest stressors for patients and families to cope with is anticipation.  Anticipation of procedures, anticipation of test results, anticipation of what tomorrow will bring.  The list goes on and on and always comes back to the stress of not knowing what is going to happen.

As I am one week away from welcoming our second child into our family, I am in the midst of tackling the booger that is anticipation.  On one hand, anticipation can lead to a highly productive course of action.  With little Emerson impending arrival, anticipation has led to us asking questions of our doc, getting her room ready, preparing Maddie for her sister’s arrival, etc.  A lot of good things can come when you know what is on the horizon.

On the other hand, anticipation can also lead to those crazy little thoughts creeping into your head that make you go nuts.  What if something happens to me during labor?  What is there is something wrong with Emerson?  What if Maddie doesn’t adjust well to our new family of 4?  What if the hubby drives me insane from not putting his dishes in the sink?? What if, what if, what if???

In working with other families (which seems to be much easier than dealing with this stuff on my own) and in dealing with anticipation first hand, I have come to realize that as with many things in life, it is all about moderation.  No matter how hard I try to keep my crazy little questions at bay, they are going to come into my head.  My trick is to remind myself that I don’t have all the answers and that I will deal with whatever comes my way.  I also now that the healthy aspects of anticipation, such as asking questions or getting things ready, are areas in which I do have some control, so it is in my best interest to put my focus in those areas rather than focusing on situations in which I don’t have any control, such as how labor will go or what will be the breaking point in my husband driving me crazy!

In this final week of pregnancy, I am scratching a lot of last minute items off the good ole’ to do list, but I am also trying to maintain a here and now, go with the flow attitude.  It is definitely easier said than done, but when I do focus on what I can control and let go of what I can’t, I know that I am much more at peace…and am probably much more fun to be around!!     

by Rachel Franklin
Child Life Specialist

Are you excited about X-Rays, merry over MRIs, and captivated by CTs? While these types of scans and overall experiences may be perceived as non-threatening for some children, for others, the strangeness and newness of certain aspects of their visit to a Radiology department can leave them feeling anxious or fearful. In Le Bonheur Children's Radiology department, our team of radiologists, nurses, technicians, anesthesiologists, and child life specialists are here to help you and your child through your experience with us.

Each day, infants, children, and teens, as well as their family members visit us for special procedures and scans. We understand that some experiences in Radiology may be confusing to children and pose specific challenges. As your child’s caregiver, you know your child best. You can help your child through the first part of his healthcare experience—the time preceding your visit. Before arriving, there are several helpful strategies you can use to help promote your child's comfort for his or her upcoming experience.

Before arriving:

• Have an open, honest, and simple conversation. Being honest in communication with your child helps promote several positive goals. When you talk with your child about the basic purpose and details of her upcoming procedure, it will help her develop a sense of understanding, predictability, and control. 
• Use familiar, non-threatening language. Our MRI scanner can be called a tall donut-shaped camera. The sounds it makes can be described as noise like a pair of clunky boots bumping around in a dryer, drummers drumming, and horns beeping. An IV can be called a hospital straw to help the body receive important medicines. Receiving sedation can be described as taking a “hospital nap” after which a child will get to wake up with a trusted caregiver present. 
• Include the basic purpose. Children benefit from knowing the basic purpose of scans or procedures. A basic explanation starting with "this will help the doctors better understand how to help with your (mention recent symptom)” may be a great first step. As children hear honest information from you, you create an opportunity for them to ask questions and develop greater understanding. This knowledge may help reduce her fears of the unknown or imagined aspects of the healthcare visit and will support your child’s overall sense of trust with you and the world around her. 
• Help build in normalizing connections. Building in positive components to your child's upcoming Radiology visit can promote your child's sense of comfort before, during, and after. For example, in talking with your child before the visit, you may want to connect the child's experience of getting his picture taken at home with getting his picture taken in Radiology. Some children like hearing that, although our camera is taller than a regular camera, getting your picture taken by it is similar in that it is important to hold very still. Many children also wonder if any part of the camera will cause pain. Just like a camera at home, it just takes a picture, so no need to worry about anything on the camera causing an ‘ouchie’ or sensation of pain.
• Help build in comforting components. Children may wonder but do not know how to ask if you will be present with them during their visit. Basic reassurance of your presence may be most comforting type of support for your child. Bringing a favorite snuggly stuffed animal or game to enjoy while waiting can also help your child feel more at ease. Helping them look for non-threatening items in the environment may also promote a sense of relaxation and control in an environment that includes unfamiliar people and equipment. Conversations about something fun your child can look forward to following your visit can also help her trust that when the purpose of the visit is completed. 

These simple ideas are just a few strategies you can use to help you and your child cope more effectively. On the day of your visit to our Radiology department, know that our team is available to help you and your child with the next steps. You can request the assistance of our child life specialists to assist you on the day of your visit. We are here to help you understand what you will experience during your visit, what to prepare for, and how to cope with upcoming procedures through teaching, distracting, empowering, playing, and promoting calm and comfort. For more information about the range of support and interventions available to you from our Radiology child life specialists, look for future posts.  

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

When most people think about childhood they consider carefree and fun, and for most part, that is the case. However, I was recently reminded that fear plays a role in childhood. As a matter of fact, I was smacked in the face with the fact as my children were learning to ride bikes.

Everyone remembers the joys and triumphs of learning to ride a bike. What may not be remembered is the falls, scrapes, and general anxiety/fear from the learning process. When we look back, why do we only recall the triumph? I think it is because we see riding a bike as a milestone of childhood, and it is celebrated as such. In the midst of the praise and positive reinforcement, all of the fear melts away as simply a shadow of the experience.

In my time at Le Bonheur, I have seen numerous children face fears. For some, it was the fear of needles/pain; for others, it was fear of the unknown; and for others, it was something unique to them. They didn’t have to tell me the way they felt; you could see it in their faces. Everything about them said fear and anxiety. The truth is that, at Le Bonheur, we will do everything we can to make any potentially stressful events as easy as possible. Despite that fact, it doesn’t take away the all of the fear the child experiences.

As parents, we have a wonderful opportunity to make a difference in the experience. So, I’d like to share my tips for helping children face their fears:

• Acknowledge their fear: There is something comforting in having our fears acknowledged. This doesn’t mean that you have to have a long, drawn out conversation about it. Instead, just listen to your child tell you about their fear, and tell them that you can understand how that would be scary. All of us want to be heard; you’re children included.
• Create a plan: Having a plan helps your child feel prepared for the potential fear. Helping your child decide what will help them get through the experience has them to be part of the process and they will be more bought into it. In the case of my daughter learning to ride her bike, it was having my wife run behind her but not holding on to her. It made her feel like she had the support whether it was there or not.
• Praise, praise, praise: I’ve said this lots of times on various posts, but the more, the better. Praise your child in advance, in the moment, and afterwards. Brag about how great your child did facing their fear to others, while your child is around. Praise them even after times has pasted. This positive reinforcement helps to realize that they accomplished something by facing a fear, and will make them more likely to deal positively with future situations.

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

The other day I was reminded of one of the main ideas within the field of Child Life: the known is less scary then the unknown.

This thought struck me as I was taking my son to a doctor’s visit. Based on everything I knew that was going to happen, he was going to have to give a urine sample. Now, this doesn’t sound scary and it’s not painful, but to a six-year-old, it can be stressful.

As a parent, it is easy to want to spare your child the mental suffering of an upcoming experience. So, it’s easy to not tell the child anything, with the thought of ignorance is bliss. “Why worry the child, when it’ll all be over and done before they even know it? Besides, they might get upset or obsessed on the experience.”

The truth is that children do much better when prepared in advance for potentially stressful experiences. If left in the dark, it is not uncommon for children to have magical thinking fill in the blanks. Magical thinking is where thoughts do not always follow an obvious path and sometime are connected to unrelated events. For instance, as a child, I had a bad case of chicken poxes and I linked it to a fish fry that I had eaten at the day before. I didn’t eat fish again until I was an adult. So, in the child’s mind, this turns a relatively simple procedure into something far more sinister.

When preparing your child for a potentially stressful experience, there are a couple of things to consider:

• Age: The younger your child’s age the closer to the event you want to prepare them. For instance, you may talk to a teenager several days in advance, but a five-year old you might prepare a few minutes before the actual procedure.
• Focus on the experience: Tell your child about the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touch of the experience. These concrete elements can be much more stressful the abstract concept of the implications of the test.
• Be honest: If it is going to hurt, tell them it will. If you say that it won’t and then it does, you run the risk of being viewed as a liar by your child.
• Use their language level: When preparing your child, don’t use all of the technical terms, but instead use language and examples that they will understand. Yes, this may involve simplifying parts of the procedure, but it will help them to understand why a particular step is happening.

During our recent doctor’s visit, my son and I talked about the possible urine sample on the drive over to his doctor’s office. We talked about each step, from receiving the cup to turning it back in. He and I went as far as to talk about the temperate of the urine because I knew he would ask. In the end, what could have been a stressful experience turned into a joke between co-conspirators. He was proud that he gave the sample, and even told his sister about it as soon as we got home.

Isn’t it amazing what a couple of minutes of talking can do?

By Lauren Wilgenbusch and Molly Pearce
Child Life Specialist

Children often have fears and misunderstandings about an upcoming surgery. Some of the concerns children typically have include pain, separation and misconceptions about what will happen throughout the surgical process. Preparing children before surgery helps to calm fears and build confidence and trust in you and those they meet in the hospital. When faced with new experiences, most children need the chance to explore the environment and express their thoughts and feelings. Talking with children about surgery and helping them understand what will happen can help your child gain control over the experience. Our pre-operative tour is designed for patients, parents, siblings, and other family members to learn more about having surgery in a fun, non-threatening way.

Pre-operative tours are led by a child life specialist, who is trained in helping children and families cope with hospitalization and illness. During the tour, age appropriate information and suggestions for coping will be offered. Your child will be able to see and manipulate medical equipment, interact with hospital staff, and ask questions. These hands on activities help the child and family see the hospital in a familiar and friendly way. You will tour the pre-operative area and may be able to explore an operating room as well. If your child is scheduled to be admitted following the procedure, the tour can include a visit to one of our inpatient floors, creative arts room, playroom, or teen room.

Research shows that preparing children for surgery and providing support throughout the surgical process reduces anxiety and fear, decreases pain after surgery, and reduces recovery time and complications. Having a positive surgery experience can also increase coping skills for future health care situations. Most children will have fun during the tour and will look forward to returning on the day of surgery. Pre-operative tours are open to all pediatric patients, parents and siblings, by appointment only. The program and parking are free.

You can find out more about the Pre-Operative Preparation Tour at Le Bonheur by visiting http://www.lebonheur.org/preopprep.

by Jamie Droke
Child Life Specialist

One of the roles that I play as a Child Life Specialist in the intensive care units (both Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit) involves helping siblings visit their injured or ill brother or sister while they are in the hospital. In the intensive care units, we highly recommend that siblings complete an initial visit with a child life specialist so that they can be fully prepared for the sights and sounds of critical care areas that can be overwhelming even for some adults.

Oftentimes parents will ask the question of whether a sibling should visit. Although my answer depends on many different things, my most common answer is “YES!” In some situations, parents are hesitant to bring a sibling to visit because they are afraid that the sibling might be traumatized by seeing their brother or sister in such critical condition. However, for many school age children, their imaginations are very vivid and can be worse than reality. In addition, at Le Bonheur, we have child life available to provide preparation and education before a sibling visits so that the things in the ICU do not seem so scary after all.

When I do a sibling prep, I take pictures of the patient and their room. Then I have the pictures ready for when the sibling visits. We meet in the waiting room and they are able to see pictures of the general unit and of their brother or sister. We talk about each tube, monitor, number, and sticker in age appropriate language and remind the sibling that each thing is there to help their brother or sister, not hurt them. Of course young siblings who are too young to understand such preparation can still benefit from seeing the pictures beforehand. The term “desensitization” is often used to describe this process, where children can see medical equipment that might be scary on paper first so that when they see it in person, it is more like a game of I-spy than an overwhelming experience.

Some children, even with preparation cannot handle visiting their brothers and sisters. I always want to make sure that the siblings know that it is their choice of whether or not to visit and that they can change their mind at any time. It is important to never force a child to visit if they do not want to. I also accompany the siblings to the patient’s room and am constantly watching for signs of distress. If a sibling seems to be in distress I offer to take them back to the waiting room or to the play room. Often I will provide art supplies and suggest that they make a poster for their brother or sister’s room.

If you are wondering whether or not a sibling should visit, please talk to a child life specialist or comment here. Most of the time, my answer is yes, but there are occasions where siblings should wait to visit, such as if a patient has just returned from surgery. Parents, you know your kids best and we need your help in determining when the best time for a sibling visit might be.

Editor's Note: These week were are running a series of post with the theme Lessons Learned. The various writers will be sharing knowledge they have learned from the interactions and situations. Our hope is to pass along some of the wisdom we've gained to others.

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

Where does the time go? Seriously, just look at the pirture, to the right, of me during my early days at Le Bonheur. 

Recently, I celebrated the 9th anniversary of my hire at Le Bonheur, which was preceded by both the hospital’s 59th birthday and my 9th anniversary. (Oddly, those last two are on the same date…) Needless to say, I’ve spent some time reflecting on my time and Le Bonheur and everything that I have learned from our patients. Which isn’t necessarily surprising, since children teach us as much as we teach them.

So, in the spirit of passing along knowledge, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned:

• Kids can bounce back from anything: If there is one thing that I have continually been awed by children who have the amazing ability to overcome even the worst ordeals. I can’t even begin to list all of the various illness, injuries, and other circumstances that I have seen children enter the doors of Le Bonheur. In the same breath, I can list the number of times that I have seen children bounce back from these same situations with a grace and spirit that I wish I had.
  
• The only thing that’s constant is change: Over the past nine years, I have seen my share of infants come through the hospital; growing the whole time. If you look at a newborn baby and compare them to their one-year-old self, you’ll see major changes. In the same respect, Le Bonheur has grown and changed during the entire time I’ve been here. Just like the growth and change of a child, the growth and change of Le Bonheur has been a good thing. This is true for both my and your life; it is constantly changing. Our job is to be flexible and adapt to our new environment; just like that infant.
  
• There’s always time for play: There are times that play may seem like the farthest thing from anyone’s mind. Situations are dire, stress levels are high, and there are numerous decisions that have to be made. However, play still remains and important element for children. I have watched first hand as a little play has lightened a family’s mood, brought them closer together, and remind them of what’s important. I try to remember to play, joke, or whatever other form it might take. And just like the families, it helps to ground me to what’s important.
  
• Enjoy the current “stage”, it’ll be gone soon enough: If you’ve ever worked with children, you know about the different stages that are talked about. The terrible twos and potty training phases are some. As a parent, it’s easy to wish those stages away, but they end too soon. How many parents’ have looked back thinking, “I’d love to have them back like that again”? The same is true for life. Don’t just wait around wishing your current time away; it’ll be gone soon enough. Instead, whether it is your child or your life, enjoy the moment for what it is. Remember, it was stay like this forever.

by Jamie Droke
Child Life Specialist

As someone who both works in a hospital and is terrified of needles, I am definitely a good spokesperson for how to utilize child life concepts for adults. For a long time when I was younger, I did not have any difficulties getting shots or “pokes”. Then came the terrible occasion on which I found myself with strep throat (quite a common occurrence for me in my childhood) just a couple days before my family was set to leave town for Disneyworld. I don’t know what medicine they prescribe now for strep, but back then I got this pink liquid medicine that I endearingly called “bubble-gum medicine” because it genuinely tasted like bubble gum. I had strep often enough as a child to be able to know before going to the doctor if I had strep throat or not, and that day I knew I had it. I was probably almost a little happy about the ensuing bubble gum medicine until my mom decided it would be best for me to get a shot of the antibiotics in my behind. I don’t remember much else, but I remember how bad it hurt, how many people it took to hold me down, and how loud I screamed.

Since then, I have never been the same around needles. In fact, I have a tendency to work myself up into an anxious mess when I know I have to get my TB skin test and my flu shot each year. If I don’t utilize the child life coping strategies I have taught myself over the years, I also have a tendency to pass out. And since that is unpleasant and terribly embarrassing, I have gotten very good at using these strategies. To be clear, I only get worked up like this when the needle has plans to be inserted into my body. Watching someone else get stuck does not have the same effect on me.

Pretty early on, I learned that I am a “distraction coper.” I need to be distracted in order to be able to cope well with pokes. When I go into a room where I will be getting poked, I start by explaining my coping needs to the nurse. I let them know of my tendencies and what I need them to do if they want to avoid having to pick me up off the floor. Then I look for a picture on the wall or have some topic of conversation that I start up with the nurse. I let her know that I know what she is going to do and I promise I will hold still. I also let her know I don’t want her to tell me what she is doing or to count before she pokes. I tell her that if she can do her thing while talking to me about literally anything else in the world, we will be just fine. Otherwise, she should have the ice-cold soda, a pillow for the floor, and a piece of candy ready. I’ve found that while most nurses are slightly confused about how I can be so afraid of needles and still work in a hospital, they are pretty accommodating to my needs.

I’m certainly not saying that everyone should use distraction coping for needle pokes. I am saying, however, that you should know your coping style and implement some basic child life principles to keep your fears at bay. Do you like to watch? Tell the nurse that and then do it. Do you like to look away, but have a countdown? Do you, like me, need to talk about anything else in the universe? Figure out your coping style and try implementing it next time you have a medical encounter. Then come back to this blog and let me know how it worked!v

Editor's Note: I Kid You Not is a regular column on More Than Medicine, where Lauren shares her experiences of wearing both the hat of a child life specialist and a mother. In today's post, Lauren has invited Sallee Chalk to be a guest writer. Sallee is both a mom and a child life specialist, and she shares her recent experience of her daughter's PE tube surgery.

By Sallee Chalk
Child Life Specialist

What does a Child Life Specialist do when their child has to have surgery you ask? We prep them of course!

I’m Sallee and I have wonderful little wild woman name Lily. She is 18 months old now and recently had to have tubes placed in her ears due to repeat ear infections. After leaving our doctors office, she sat happily in the back seat slobbering over her first tootsie pop while I sat in the driver’s seat terrified of a possible traumatic experience.

My first concern was that even though it’s very common for children to have tubes placed, surgery is surgery when it’s your child. The second thing that rolled through my mind that upset me more than the actual surgery was the idea of a stranger picking her up from my arms and her being upset going into her surgery. Silly, I know. So of course I reached into my handy child life experiences and said “well, if I can’t prevent a stranger from picking her up, at least I can prepare her for what is about to happen.” That is exactly what I did.

At our pre-op visit to meet with the anesthesia group they asked the usual health questions and then I had a few of my own. The most important to me was “Is there any way I can go back with her while she’s falling asleep?” The response I got was that it was up to the anesthesiologist that would be sedating her. I spoke to that doctor he said it could be worked out. SCORE!

Before leaving work the day before surgery I made sure to grab my induction mask that I use to prepare kids when they go back to surgery. When I got home, I introduced Lily to the mask. She learned quickly that it was to go over her nose and to take deep breaths. I think I have a little genius. She thought the mask was hilarious and played with it up until it was time to go to the surgery center.

The next morning we checked in and were taken to change her clothes. The gown went perfect with her frog PJ’s she had on. The nurse was fantastic and used distraction while getting Lily’s weight, temperature, and blood pressure. I was very impressed. We were then sent to the playroom. While all of the other children were sleeping or just waking up for the morning in their parents arms, my wild woman acted as if she owned the place. She played, and ran, and jumped, and screamed. The other children looked at her like she was insane.

When it was our turn, my husband and I carried Lily through the bunny tunnel, picked out a magnificent princess wand, and I changed clothes. I was allowed to carry Lily into the operating room! It wasn’t until they wouldn’t let her hold her own mask (understandably) that she got upset. She was asleep within a few short breaths and I was shown the way out.

About 10 minutes later the Doctor came and told us she did fantastic. We were allowed to see her about 10 minutes after that. A short time later she was in the car on the way home, where she slept for most of the day. I took advantage and snoozed right along with her. When she woke though I had to be sure that she was not traumatized. I handed her the induction mask. She looked at me, looked at the mask, then placed it on her face and took a long snorting deep breath. I breathed a sigh of relief right along with her giggles. No harm done!

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

This has been quite the year from snow in the Midsouth. If you’ve lived in the area for awhile, you grow accustomed to the once or twice a winter phenomenon. It’s a fun day that everyone goes out and plays in the snow, and it quickly melts, returning life back to normal. It’s been our routine, and we’ve grown to enjoy it.

However, this year is different. Even as I write this, snow is falling, and I’m sure there are lots of people who are not happy about it. I believe this should be our fourth snow day this year, and I’m almost certain the make is worn off.

Now, if you’re facing another possible snow day, the crew at your house may be tired of the snow. This translates into everyone sitting around inside and before too long, cabin fever (and/or fighting) sets in. We see something similar in the hospital with families that have been here for a while. The walls of their room start to close in around them and there’s only so much television that they can watch. That’s when Child Life Services comes in to lend a hand, and help to make the hospital a little more enjoyable.

In the same spirit, here are some suggestions to help living up your snow day:

• Force the family outside: Chances are that the magic of playing in the snow has worn off from the previous snow days. Now is your opportunity to change it up. How? Simply go out there with them and forget that you’re an adult. Throw snowballs, sled, catch snow flakes on your tongue. By joining in the fun it will make it new again.
• Have a family talent show: You may not think that your family has any talents, but that’s half of the fun. Send everyone to separate places and work out a talent, skill, or skit that they’ll show the rest of the group. Just remember that your excitement is the key to making the family talent show a success. If you don’t sound excited about it, neither will they. Besides, it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad because when everyone thinks back about it, it will be a fond memory.
• Give everyone quiet time: Giving everyone some breathing room will help to make the times together more enjoyable. So, if someone wants to read a book, play a video game, take a nap, or any other activity, let them do it. Remember that you’re going to need some downtime too.
• Bust out the games: I’m not talking about video games, it’s board games. Remember all of those games that are tucked back in a closet somewhere? Well, pull them out and let the fun happen. The enjoyment comes from playing the games and spending time. You’ll be surprised by just how much fun everyone has.
  

by Thomas Hobson
Child Life Director

It doesn’t matter where it happens or whether there’s build up to it or not, a child’s temper tantrum is a thing of parents’ nightmares. They can be embarrassing. They can be frustrating. They can (and will) test your patience.

During the big blow out temper tantrums, it is tough to keep your composure, and not get sucked into your child’s whirlwind of emotion. You find yourself being pulled in, and before long, the whole situation is a screaming matching. Each side continues to escalate until it’s nothing but chaos.

How do I know all of this? Well, my confession is that despite all of my “kid smarts”, I’ve been pulled into these same situations. Oh, and it’s been more than once or twice. Then again, haven’t we all been roped in to our children’s temper tantrums, if for no other reason than they’re our child.

So, here are a few tips to help keep your cool when your child is losing it:

• Watch with an outsider’s eyes: When you are watching someone else’s child throw a tantrum, do you get mad? No, you usually feel bad for the parent, and that’s about it. Learn to give yourself the leeway and to remember that you’re the one in charge.
• Don't yell: It is a normal gut reaction to want to yell in these situations. However, think about what happens when someone yells at you. Typically, we go on the defensive and get ready to yell back. This will only cause your child to dig their heels in and fight harder.
• Know when to walk away: After watching a tantrum, even if you’re calm, there comes a point when you know you are going to lose it. Learn to watch for your own cues, and walk away until you cool down. Make sure your child is in a safe place, and simply step into the other room.
• Don’t use sarcasm: Young children simply don’t understand sarcasm. It only serves to confuse them. However, they will figure out that you’re making fun of them, and that will only add fuel to the fire.
• Break the cycle: Sometimes, children get so wrapped up in their fit that even if they want to stop, they don’t know how to do it. Instead, they just keep going on with it. Introduce something new that they’ll be interested in. Then, when everyone is calm, you can go back and talk about everything. During a recent tantrum, I told my child that I wanted to show them a new game I had on my phone. The tantrum, which had been going on for 30 minutes, stopped immediately. After a few minutes, we came back and talked about it.

Editor's Note: I Kid You Not is a regular column on More Than Medicine, where Lauren shares her experiences of wearing both the hat of a child life specialist and a mother.

by Lauren McCann
Child Life Manager

Security objects are a funny thing for kids.  I have heard stories of kids getting attached to the craziest things, like a shoe or a cell phone.  While I was pregnant, I never really thought about Maddie ever developing an attachment to an object, but we are now realizing the effects of this issue….the effects being on our sanity!!

Maddie has a love for a certain luvie that she named “Babies.”  Yes, it is Babies, plural.  Not singular Baby.  It’s Babies.  Anyway, Babies has been her favorite for as long as we can remember.  It was the first item she gave a name to and the one item she has always asked for.  We knew early on that she was getting attached so we started making some ground rules to prevent her becoming SO attached that she (or we) couldn’t function.  These rules included trying our best to keep Babies in Maddie’s bedroom.  This was to try to keep her to really only “needing” Babies for sleeping.  Well, we (okay, mainly it’s me) are softies when it comes to not letting Maddie take Babies out of the room.  So now the rule has become Babies does not go anywhere other than the confines of our house, our cars, or on overnight trips.  No grocery stores, no daycare, no friend’s houses, no where we can easily misplace it.  Finally, the last rule in place is that Maddie has to give Babies up to us regularly for baths (laundry day).  This is to prevent wear and tear and let’s face it, overall grossness. 

So life was good.  We were all at peace, but then we started becoming pretty nervous at the notion that Babies could get lost or ruined and then what would we do??  This has come on so strong lately because Maddie has woken up twice the past 2 weeks crying like the world was ending because she can’t find her Babies in her crib in the middle of the night.  As soon as we go in and find it for her, she thanks us (she is so sweet) and goes right back to sleep.  This situation is not good for the McCann Parenting Alliance (otherwise known as me and Chris).  If Maddie is that heartbroken over thinking Babies left her in the middle of the night, what will we ever do if it gets misplaced!?!

We have started scouring Google and Carter’s website to find this exact luvie and I can’t believe is as difficult of a task as it is.  Babies is nowhere to be found on the internet, I haven’t seen it in any of the regular baby aisles of different stores and I have no idea who gave it to us during our baby showers.  The search continues as do our constant prayers that we not only keep our child in one piece, but that we also maintain the safety of Babies as well.  This is not just for Maddie’s sake, it is for the sake of our sanity!!

Author’s Note: If you or anyone you know has information about how to purchase the luvie pictured above, please contact the McCann Parenting Alliance ASAP!!

by Tracey Deaux
Child Life Specialist

The gifts have all been opened.  The toys have all been used.  The food has all been eaten.  And the kids are finally all nestled in their beds for a nice winter nap.  It’s the day after Christmas and although there are so many toys to be enjoyed, Christmas has seemed to end just as soon as it began.  All the stress that comes with buying gifts, receiving gifts, meeting work deadlines, decorating, and going to Christmas party after Christmas is suddenly over.  The build up to Christmas has come to a halt.  Now what?

Things will quickly go back to normal and you will become engulfed once again in work, kids, family, and friends.  And of course, the Christmas decorations must come down all too soon.  The Christmas blues have kicked in.  How can you manage your stress enough to enjoy the days after Christmas?

Feelings that may have been hidden or ignored this past year suddenly seem to appear during and after the holidays.   These feelings of hope, love, anxiety, stress, and even depression are very real and should not be overlooked.  Some great ways to manage these feelings that come with your Christmas blues can be as simple as enjoying a classic, embarrassing home video with your family or playing a nice game of football in the backyard.  Try and control only the things you can control like your health, your attitude, and your reactions to the things you cannot control.  Try not to sweat the things you cannot control such as your work, your in-laws, and your kids forced to stay home another week from school.  And try to enjoy the company of your family, savoring the moments you are together. 

Christmas comes and goes, but one thing remains and that is family.  Enjoy being with your family, even after the holiday excitement.  Enjoy the small exciting details of life—the brisk, cold weather (maybe even snow), the hug someone gave you, the smile from your child that warms your heart.  These are the things that matter in life…even if they come after Christmas.

by Jamie Droke
Child Life Specialist

How to calm your own anxieties.

Over the last several weeks, we have addressed the basics of parent-child anxiety transfer and how to provide helpful distraction for your child during potentially anxiety-provoking situations. The last piece of this topic is how to calm yourself so as to prevent the transfer of anxiety. Even if you know that your anxiety can induce anxiety in your child, if you can't calm yourself down during stressful situations, knowing this information will not be helpful. And while distraction is a great way to prevent anxiety in children, adults cannot always ignore or distract themselves from anxiety-provoking situations. In fact, these anxiety-provoking situations most often demand your full attention. So, how can you lower your own anxiety in situations where anxiety is an appropriate reaction?

The first step is to know your coping strategies. Just as each child has a different coping mechanism, so does each adult. Some children are watchers and some are easily engaged in distraction. Some cope by question-asking and others by avoidance. Once a parent knows a child's coping strategy, helping them cope with stressful experiences becomes much easier. The same is true of us adults. Think about a stressful experience you have faced and what helped get you through. Was it exercise or keeping busy? Was it a strong support system from your family or faith? Or was it getting good rest and good meals? Once you have put some thought into it, most people can determine what their coping style or strategy is. And many people use more than one strategy to cope with difficult situations.

In the situations we most often deal with (an injury or illness in a child), parents have good reason to be anxious. But these anxious parents need a way to cope with their anxiety so that their child does not have heightened anxiety simply because their mom or dad cannot cope well with the stresses associated with the child's illness or injury. In these situations, the first thing I encourage for parents is self-care. Parents need rest and good meals even when (or maybe especially when) their child is in the hospital. I encourage parents to take a break from the hospital to go home and take a nap or shower when possible. I encourage parents to take a break to eat three good meals each day. I tell parents that if they cannot take care of themselves, it will be very difficult for them to care for their sick child.

The second thing I encourage parents to do is to know their limits. If you are a parent who cannot handle the sight of blood, it is perfectly okay to step out during blood draws. If a parent becomes easily overwhelmed when standing or sitting in a child's room, I encourage them to come for short visits and to step out when that feeling of being overwhelmed begins to set in. As we have talked about before, children can sense their mother or father's anxiety and if you become audibly or visibly upset after spending any significant amount of time in the room, it would be a good idea to stay at the bedside for only short visits.

These are just a few simple ideas for coping with the stresses associated with having a child in the hospital. Now I want to hear from you. How do you cope with stress and anxiety?