Many parents struggle with how to handle kids and nightmares. We talked to Thomas Hobson, Director of Child Life Services at Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital. Thomas, also a father of two, has the professional and personal expertise to share with parents both the clinical and practical sides of parenting. Here’s what he had to say.

How many nights have my wife and I been woken up by a crying child standing at our bedside?  More than I would ever wish to count.  But, children and bad dreams are just a part of childhood and parenting.
Do you have them get in bed with you and risk not sleeping well? Do you just tell them it’ll be all right, and fight the “but I’m scared” argument? What do you do the next night when your child remembers their nightmare?

Well, let’s start with the last question first.  If your child remembers the bad dream, talk about it.  Let them explain it, and be sure to ask questions.  There are two great sets of answers you can give to them.  The first is that you understand why the dream would be a nightmare, and the second is that it’s not real.  This way you are validating their feelings (remember, it was bad enough to wake them up), and your reassuring them that the dream was not real.

Now, as far as putting them in bed with you or just telling them it will be alright, I’ve got some wonderful practical advice.  One of the best developmental norms of younger children is something called magical thinking.  Sometimes it can create stress, for example, having a medical procedure done but not being told anything about it. However in this situation, it’s your ace in the hole.  Magical thinking is when children jump to their own conclusion that usually makes no logical sense to adults, but perfect sense to the child.  In the hospital, we see children who think that medical treatment is punishment for something they’ve done wrong.  No one has told them that, but that’s immediately where the thinking jumps.

There are several variations on this, but my favorite, which I’ve used with my kids, is a bad dream/monster repellant spray.  What’s that - you don’t know where to run out and pick some up?  Have no fear, your home is filled with it.  All you’ll need is some old perfume or cologne.  Personally, I prefer it in a spray bottle since the application is easier.

When you’re child comes into your room crying because of a nightmare, tell them that you have just the perfect thing: the bad dream/monster repellent.  Tell them that the spray will make sure that bad dreams and monsters stay away, and then spray them with the perfume.  Make sure the spray is heavy enough to stick on their clothes because you want the smell to stick with them.  Then put them back into bed, and tell them that the bad dream/monster repellent will do the rest of the work. The magic comes into play because they trust you and can smell the perfume.  They then feel safe, and everyone gets a good night sleep.

If your child remembers the nightmare and is nervous about going to bed, use the spray before they even go to sleep.  Don’t feel bad if you need to spray the “magic spray” for a couple of days, it’s pretty normal, and your child will enjoy the process.